Damage Queen

I can't stop listening to the Misfits recently. Their most recent albums with Graves etc are so fucking catchy they actually shouldn't be allowed...

I was going to title this 'Coming to terms with yourself', but A) that's gay, and B) it wouldn't be very appropriate. You all may have noticed I don't really post funny shit on here anymore, and for this I am sorry. I seem to have suffered a humour bypass as of late, and to be honest, I just can't be fucking bothered to make anyone laugh. All the shit I've posted in the past couple of months have just been random mind-spewings that I've felt unable to keep to myself. Believe me, there's a lot more shit going on up there. Just be grateful I choose not to bludgeoningly scream all that horseshit at you through the medium of blogspot.

So, onto the horseshit...

I've been feeling pretty fucking weird recently. What with coming out of a long-term relationship, moving home, getting a new job and my general inability to remain stable for a period of more than about 40 minutes, my brain seems to be a bit of a fucking mess. I suppose you would say I'm neither here nor there at the moment. I'm doing my old thing of having about 30 split personalities on the go at once. Which is pretty fucking lame as I can't seem to make up my mind about fucking anything, including which personality I'd like to have as my erm, main one. (I'm not insane?) My mind is always somewhat of a warzone, which I blame on being a Gemini (probably) but when I go through these shitty transitional periods the amount of different sides or 'faces' I have seem to be completely magnified (I'm talking overhead projector stylee here).

(I don't know at this point if I'm even making sense... Or whether it's entirely wise to post this somewhere where people I know can actually read it...)

For example, I generally have a fairly laid-back demeanour. I've never been one for jealousy or paranoia in huge doses, and I've never really had trust issues either, despite (at this point I'd advise you get out your violins or other appropriate stringed instruments) the mind-fuckery I've seemingly wandered head-first into in the past. Around the end of my relationship, things started to change. And now I feel like a bit of a Glenn Close character. But only that side of me has those attitudes and feelings. The saner, more reasonable half of me gets a bit worried when the Glenn Close half starts chatting shit to itself. Which worries me. I know a lot of people that have conversations with themselves in their head, but I wouldn't so much say I have conversations; more full blown, smash your face through the coffee table, insult your mother type arguments.

Which is just fucking weird.

For the most part, I've trained myself to keep all the delicious paranoia and emotional bullshit controlled, only occasionally allowing myself to go actually mental (which usually culminates in writing one of those two-line, rhetoric posts I like so much. Either that or banging my tiny head against a wall), and even more occasionally becoming unhinged enough to allow another person to see it. Those shit school counsellors always used to say I bottle things up too much, and whilst I can obviously see it isn't healthy to spend one day a month wanting to kill myself, I also don't think it's healthy to be constantly a-little-bit angry at everything. I'd rather get it all out in one huge, satisfying explosion (oi oi) than pick away at myself slowly. At least my way I'm alright for another few weeks before I need to explode again.

On other topics, I'm not really sure what the inspiration for writing this long-arse piece of crap was. I suppose it doesn't really matter. The crux of it is that I'm a whiny little teenager who needs to just stop, probably.

I dunno. Pub?